Friday, September 19, 2008

Airline financial crisis leads to establishment of new airline:

LUTHERAN AIRLINES

The preferred airline of Ole and Lena.

One of the best advertisements for flying with Lutheran Airlines your next trip.

---WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA! ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORDERN MITCHIGEN, AND NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.


If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air; here flyin is a upliftin experience. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows one tru six, bring rolls; seven tru fifteen, bring a salad; sixteen tru twenty-von, a hot dish, and twenty-two tru tirty, a dessert.

Basses and tenors, please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will not land til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air flight. Okay, den, listen up; I'm only gonna say dis vonce: In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised, and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder with dose liddle masks on da rubber tubes--you're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair liddle holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence, which, to be honest wit you, we're gonna have quite a bit at two tousand feet..sorta like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about “forgive us our sins as we fo rgive dose who sin against us,” which some people say “trespass against us,” which isn't right, but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because dey may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is by da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit da coffeepot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real upset, and I am not kiddin!

Right now I'll say Grace:

Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest,
and let deze gifts to us be blessed.
Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost,
may we land in Dulut or pretty close.

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