Wednesday, April 20, 2011

An email from an engineer . . . paraprosdokian

This is what happens when you have the privilege of pastoring a church full of engineers . . . you get emails like this (I love it!):

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.


Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø   The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

Ø  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.  (I have to remember this one)

Ø   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø   War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ø   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Ø   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; To steal from many is research.

Ø   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø  I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Ø   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Ø   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Ø   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Ø  I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Ø   You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Ø   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ø  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

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