Friday, July 25, 2014

Making Leaders of Lizards

"Adaptation is the secret to our survival," espoused Chris the Camelon from his lectern.

This was the fifth annual Long Live the Lizards Jamboree, and Dr. Chris was the keynote speaker (despite his slight lisp). Already that day, the lizards had sat through, "Life's a Croc" by Carlisle Crocodile," "Slow Success for the New Bo(hemian)" by Greg Gila, and "Hipsters Surging in the Swamp," by an up-and-coming horned lizard named Harry.

Chris the Camelon extolled the languishing lizards for nearly an hour on leadership principles. He strongly advocated the importance of adaptation, adjusting to new markets, and recognizing the recurring trends of reptilian expectations.

By the end of the lecture, most of the crawling creatures were ready to skip the Q&A and head for home. But one brave gecko raised a sticky toe pad and said, "Dr. Chris, how can we lizards lead anything if we're being told by you to be ready to change everything and anything on the changing whims of a lizard's likes and dislikes?"

"What's you name gecko?"


"Phil? I would have expected something like Gill or Gary or Gage."

"Nope, it's just Phil."

"Ok, Phil. As my lecture demonstrated, I believe leaders are those with the uncanny ability to evolve quickly to survive adverse environmental changes."

"Yeah, I got that."

"Thus, I showed that the inability to transform leaves a lizard at a disadvantage to survival."

"I thought this was a conference on leadership, not survival."

"It is young lizard."

"Well if it is, Dr. Chris, most of the great leaders I've ever known were those that clung to or went back to the ancient truths and traditions amid change. Those that adapt or cried for evolution seem to be the ones we shouldn't follow."

"How dare you question my scholarship, Phil."

"Well doc," continued Phil, "It was that Martin the Marsh Lizard that reminded us that all reptiles are created equal. He was an amazing leader. He taught us the ancient truths in an adapted world. By way of comparison, Adolf the Alligator almost killed off an entire species because he believed the alligator's adapted state gave them credence to eradicate those less fit for survival. So you can take all your adaptation speeches and throw them in a creek. I'm going to lead by not changing, thank you very much."

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