Monday, January 30, 2017

MacArthur's Ministry Crumbles as Miracle Interrupts Sermon

Sun Valley, CA: Grace Community Church was stunned this past Sunday when their long-time pastor John MacArthur did the miraculous. He said,  "I don't know..."

MacArthur has long held that the miracles of the 1st century are no longer present today, but now Grace Community Church's cessationism stands in doubt. "If Pastor John can say, 'I don't know,'" observed one congregant, "Who's to say there can't be prophecies, healings, and all manner of modern day miracles?"

In past years, miraculous happenings were dubbed 'strange fire.' "But this is the strangest fire of all," noted a staff member who desires to remain unidentified. "Pastor John speaks of bringing heat from the pulpit, and seeing people on fire for Jesus, but I just don't know what would happen if our people had to live without the sure certainty of every verse of the Bible being completely explainable by Pastor John."

Some of MacArthur's critiques have also jumped in. Wayne Grudem, professor of theology at Phoenix Seminary and strong proponent of the gifts ongoing nature, wrote in his blog yesterday, "Pastor John should take his doubts into the prayer closet. He can lift up with unintelligible sounds his confusion and the Spirit will undoubtedly clear things up for him and God."

Grace Community Church is offering counseling ("Biblical counseling without any connection whatsoever to modern psychology," the website indicates) to anyone suffering traumatic doubts regarding God and the Bible.

When asked what spawned MacArthur's, "I don't know," Julie Dickson noted, "Oh, he was teaching on the logical order of God's divine decrees."

#satire

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