Friday, February 10, 2017

Evangelical Mom sues Fitbit for her lack of fitness

Newark, NJ: "I just don't want other women to experience the anguish I did in 2016," says Carolyn Jones in response to our inquiries to her recent court action. "Several of the "If" speakers had on a Fitbit; why did it work for them and not me? I'm not a bit fit," says Jones, "Talk about false advertising. I wore that thing every waking hour of every day in 2016, and I'm still 30 pounds overweight."

Sarah Gillespie stands with her friend. "We were praying for Carolyn all year, read two Christian dieting books, and even had a healing service. We did everything to ensure Carolyn's success, but another piece of overpriced technology failed us again. I hope she gets every penny."

Fitbit has attempted mediation to settle out of court. They claim their devices simply track fitness, not ensure fitness. 

"Well if that's the case," responded Jones to our questions, "they shouldn't use phony advertising of healthy individuals donning a Fitbit."

Jones says she will not be fooled in 2017. She has joined a Christian essential oils club that offer supplements to cure the appetite.

#satire

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