Monday, February 06, 2017

Psychoanalysts Finally Know Why Tim Keller is Smirking

​Manhattan, NY: You have seen that smirk on the back cover's of books. It's been seen on television, at conferences, and on myriads of church curriculum. But why, just why does Dr. Timothy Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City carry his trademark smirk? A team of psychoanalysts (don't worry readers, these are Christian psychoanalysts) have finished their ten month research project and finally know why. 
"Behind that smirk is a convincing, 'Nah, nah, nah, boo boo,'" explains chief researcher I.M. Wright. "Dr. Keller's east coast civility does not allow him to stoop to the petty behaviors of certain evangelical superheroes (cough), I mean pastors, but he nonetheless is fully aware that no matter how smart you think you are, he's got you beat."

Other researchers explained that Keller's brain is actually addressing the weaknesses of Einstein's theory of relativity, while preparing to answer the sharpest arguments from proponents of the New Atheism. One unproven hypothesis is that Dr. Keller's brain is actively cataloging the near 10,000 footnotes of his previously published books.

Know this readers: if Dr. Keller is smirking at you, you might as well crawl into a hole and read the Complete Works of Jonathan Edwards in order to avoid a prevailing sense of ignorance.


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